Hello… it’s me… again… ooops sorry I left you hanging. Time to roll out that overused phrase ‘I’ve been so busy’, which is true but yet sounds so lame. So it’s been a weird few months, I’ve been overwhelmed by this unsettling feeling that I haven’t really been able to put a name to or even talk about (as how can you put into words something you can’t recognise). But I feel some of you will relate so here goes…
Everyone is doing great, there’s been houses, marriages and babies, new careers, old careers, one way tickets and so on. Yet I’ve been kinda the same really, still not 100% sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, no house, no relationship, no children (thankfully), and sadly no one way tickets. So I guess in the race of life I’m still puffing up the first hill, where others seem to be bolting forward. It’s a tough one where I’m glad to still be running, but also not sure if I should be speeding up a little by now before the pacemaker laps me or something.
I guess it all comes down to perspective, success is different for everyone, and you simply can’t compare one person’s timing to another’s, after all life isn’t a race to be won. It’s a journey to be enjoyed or some other cliche you’d find on one of those motivational Instagram accounts. But it doesn’t stop the fear of being left behind from rearing it’s ugly head from time to time (all the time).
It can be easy to dedicate too much time to overthinking, I often find myself overcome with the fear of being left behind like one of the toys in Toy Story (emotionally unbalancing at any age). Little things turn into big things and eventually it becomes one giant black hole of nothingness where you’re struggling to stay afloat. It’s a lonely world. BUT (and this isn’t one of those ‘new year resolutions’ that means well and gets forgotten in a few weeks) I think growing up means learning to accept yourself; after all we are our own worst critics. It’s reminding yourself of your personal successes and not comparing them to others. It’s not thinking ‘there must be something wrong with me’ or ‘I’m not good enough to be where I want to be’ but having the confidence and self belief to keep going. So yeah it might be taking me a bit longer than everyone else, and that in itself makes me uneasy, but it’s time to stop overthinking (LOL so much easier said than done I know, I know).
2018 is going to be my own little happiness project. True happiness has evaded me for sometime now and it’s time to bring back that loving feeling. How do you do that? Well I don’t really know… (if you’ve got the answer feel free to let me in on the secret)… but I’m sure gonna enjoy working it out.
Until next time.